Aftershock
by bionic4ever
Summary: KAL3: Jaime begins to suffer the aftereffects of having shot four men to save Steve.
1. Chapter 1

**Aftershock**

Chapter One

Steve couldn't help stealing one more kiss as he swept Jaime gallantly into his arms and carried her through the front door of his (now _their_) ranch house.

"You're not s'posed to do that until we get married," Jaime told him happily, as he set her back on her feet.

"I'll do it then, too. It's not every day you move in - this is a special occasion." Steve's arms remained around her waist, unwilling to let her go, so he pulled her closer. "And you are a very special woman."

Jaime's face glowed with happiness that echoed his. They'd grown much closer on their last assignment, where each had saved the other's life and they'd only made it out safely together through the strength and cohesiveness of the bond they shared. When they'd both fully recovered from their injuries, Oscar had sent them on a mini-sabbatical in the mountains and, to no-one's surprise, they'd come back engaged.

"Welcome home, Sweetheart," he told her softly.

"As long as I'm in your arms, I'm already home."

"Jaime, I love you so much -"

"I love you, too, and I always will." She tilted her face up to his for one more soft, lingering kiss.

"I cleaned out one of the dressers and half the closet for you," Steve told her. "Why don't you start unpacking and I'll order the pizza?"

"Ok."

"I'll be right in to help you." Steve headed for the phone in the kitchen and Jaime began putting her clothes on hangers. She opened the closet and was hanging things up when she noticed a small metal box in the very back corner. Curious, Jaime picked it up and opened it.

She immediately wished she hadn't. Inside, she found a gun; not just any gun - it was _the gun_. On their last assignment, Steve had stuffed it, fully loaded, into a backpack of supplies. Jaime had already been seriously injured, so when guards at the compound they'd infiltrated began closing in on her, Steve had stepped out in the open, allowing himself to be captured and leading them away from Jaime. He'd stashed the backpack where she could find it, so she could have the food and water that were inside. Jaime also found the gun. She'd always hated (and to an extent, feared) guns, and although Steve had taught her how to use one - just in case - she'd always refused to carry one on assignments and had never fired or even pointed one at anyone. She wasn't even sure she could shoot a person in self-defense.

Defending Steve was entirely different, though. She'd been carrying the backpack when, from around the corner of a building, she saw an execution team leading Steve into a small clearing where they'd already slaughtered a young woman. Jaime didn't give it a thought; she set the pack on the ground and took out the gun. As the men forced Steve to the ground and raised their guns, Jaime fired four clean shots, each one hitting its intended target with deadly accuracy. In mere seconds, the woman who hated guns and believed any problem could eventually be solved without violence had taken four lives.

Steve, Rudy and Oscar had all been deeply concerned about the effect this might've had on Jaime, but she'd refused to talk to anyone about what had happened, insisting she was fine. Oscar had made appointments for her with a combat psychiatrist and a regular psychologist, and ordered her - boss to employee - to go, but no one, not even her boss, could force Jaime to talk about it. She'd shoved the memory down as far as she could, so she could tell herself it never happened.

Now she stood with the evidence in her hands, and Jaime could ignore it no longer. After she'd fired the fatal shots, Jaime had thrown the gun down as though it was red-hot and she wanted to do the same thing now, but found that her left hand held the gun in a death grip. She was literally paralyzed by shock and fear, and her body began to tremble so violently that the motion was nearly seizure-like in its intensity. The gun barrel waved dangerously in every direction as Jaime grew light-headed, leaned back against the wall and, still shaking, sank slowly to the floor.

Steve would've rather cut off his flesh-and-blood arm than cause Jaime any pain. The box had been tucked back into the farthest corner of his (filled) side of the closet, where he had genuinely believed she wouldn't find it. What he saw when he joined her in the bedroom nearly stopped his heart and also broke it.

Jaime cowered in the corner, her knees drawn up to her chest and tears streaming down her face as she watched the gun barrel bob back and forth, unable to put it down or control it.

Steve forced himself to remain very calm. "Sweetheart, can you bring your hand down so it touches the floor? That's right - good. Let it rest on the floor." The second the barrel was pointed toward the floor and no longer swinging around, Steve quickly moved toward her. He grabbed the barrel and twisted the gun into an unrecognizable hunk of metal, and then cradled Jaime in his arms, holding her very close, until the shaking subsided.

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry. It was going back to Oscar tomorrow, and I didn't think you'd find it in one night, with everything else going on." He rocked her gently in his arms. "Why don't we get you into bed and you can rest while I call Rudy."

"Don't...need...Rudy," she insisted, her teeth chattering. "Just get that...thing...outta here. I'll be fine."

"Jaime, you should really let him check you out, just to be safe."

"_I'm okay_." She was finally able to unclench her left hand. "Take it - please?"

Steve took it from her and balled it up even further until no one would recognize that it'd once been a weapon, then he opened the window and threw the metal ball as far as he could into the trees behind the house.

The next morning, true to form, Jaime insisted nothing was wrong, she didn't need a doctor or a 'shrink' and she didn't need or want to discuss it.

------


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Jaime did seem fine, with no apparent after-effects from the frightening incident. Steve, against his better judgement, had promised he wouldn't tell Rudy or Oscar what had happened. He'd tried to talk with Jaime about it a few times, but finally let it drop, hoping that, like she insisted, it was merely a one-time aberration. There were no nightmares and no crying jags, and Steve was beginning to believe that it really was out of her system.

Two weeks later, they'd both just returned from separate assignments and were sitting together in the den, watching television. Jaime was returning from the kitchen with a huge bowl of popcorn just as the first commercials were ending, when the on-screen criminal pulled a gun and fired at the tv detective. The popcorn scattered across the floor and Jaime stood, frozen in place as silent tears filled her eyes. Steve was immediately up and at her side, shutting off the television and taking her in his arms. He eased her over to the sofa and sank down onto the cushions, still holding her. He reached up and tenderly wiped the tears from her face and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I thought...it was just _that_ gun," she whispered, frightened and overwhelmed.

"We have to call Rudy, you know. I'm sure he can help, or find someone who can."

"But - he'll tell Oscar," Jaime protested.

"Yeah; he has to - you know that. For your own safety." Jaime looked unconvinced. "Please, Sweetheart," Steve pleaded, "Do it for me."

Jaime sighed sadly. "I'll call him in the morning."

"Promise me?"

"Yeah...ok."

------

Jaime was gone from the house the entire morning, and Steve began to feel a huge weight off of his shoulders. He knew Rudy would find a way to help her feel better. After lunch, he had some errands to run, and after he was finished, Steve decided to stop and see Rudy himself, to thank him and to ask what he thought about the situation.

"Jaime's gone already?" Steve noted, looking around Rudy's office. He didn't notice the doctor's puzzled look. "How bad is this, Rudy? Can you help her?"

"Steve, I haven't seen her since before you went to the mountains, almost a month ago. Has something happened to her?"

"Please tell me she at least called you today."

"I'm sorry - no. What's going on?" Rudy had a hunch but hoped he was wrong.

"Can you come upstairs with me?" Steve asked. "I have to talk to Oscar, and I can fill you in at the same time."

------

"I really wish you'd called us when she first found the gun," Oscar said, verbalizing Rudy's thoughts as well.

"Believe me - so do I," Steve told him grimly. "But you both know how persuasive she can be."

"That's part of the reason she makes a damn good operative," Oscar stopped, then corrected himself. "_Made_ a good operative. You know I have to suspend her..."

"I know. She's gonna be really ticked at me; beyond ticked." Steve noted. "But I'd rather have an angry alive Jaime, then have her go out on assignment and freeze the next time she sees a gun."

"Exactly." Oscar pressed the button on the intercom. "Callahan, I'd like you to call Jaime at home and tell her I need to see her in my office immediately." He turned to Steve. "You're welcome to stay for this, if you want, but I'd understand completely in you'd rather take cover."

"I'll stay and take my lumps. She might need the support, if she's still speaking to me afterward. Hopefully, she'll see that I did this because of how much I love her."

------

Jaime came bouncing happily into the office, less than half an hour later, thinking she had a new assignment. "Where am I off to this time, Boss?" she said lightly. She looked around the office, saw Rudy and Steve and the grim, worried looks on their faces and she sank heavily into a chair, staring at the floor.

"You promised you wouldn't tell them," she said without looking at Steve.

"That was before last night. And you promised you'd see Rudy this morning. You never even called him."

"Since when is it necessary to check up on my every move?" she asked bitterly.

"Jaime," Oscar said, as gently as possible. "Steve loves you, and he's worried about you, about your safety. We all are. I've arranged a new appointment for you with Doctor Conrad; he's the best in the field at treating patients who've had problems dealing with trauma, and -"

"No."

Steve got up and knelt on one knee next to her chair, trying to look into her eyes. "Sweetheart, please -"

"No. I'm not gonna do it." Jaime looked directly at Oscar, ignoring Steve. "There's nothing wrong with me, and I'm not gonna let some shrink with strange ideas turn me into his private little lab rat."

"Jaime -" Steve tried again.

"**_No_**."

Oscar got up and walked around his desk, sitting on the front edge to be closer to Jaime when he delivered his bad news. "Babe, I can't let you work until you see a doctor and get some help with this problem. If you were out in the field and someone pulled a gun on you - "

"I'd be fine. That's work; it's a totally different ballgame."

Oscar's eyes were beyond sad. "Jaime, I am truly sorry, but, until further notice, I am suspending you from the OSI."

------


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Jaime was beyond stunned. As she walked through the front door of the ranch house, she had the slow, tentative gait and glassy eyes of a shock victim. Oscar's words echoed over and over in her brain.

"_Until further notice, I am suspending you from the OSI._"

She still couldn't believe it had happened. After leaving the office, Jaime had taken a long walk, trying to reconcile herself to the loss of something that had become such a huge chunk of her life and her identity. They'd all meant well, especially Steve; she'd realized that about an hour into her walk. Jaime knew she was the only one to believe she could beat the problem herself, by simply setting her mind to it. Why couldn't any of them see that?

"Hi," Steve said, getting up from his seat by the front window, where he'd been watching for her. He slipped a tentative arm around her waist, unsure how she'd react, but she didn't pull away. More than anything else, she seemed...numb. "Can we talk? Please?" he asked softly.

"Yeah."

"Thank you." Steve led her into the den and sat beside her on the sofa. "Are you hungry?"

Jaime shook her head. "I could really use a glass of wine, though."

Steve poured two glasses and handed one to Jaime. "Sweetheart, I'm really sorry about what happened today."

"It's not your fault," she replied in an empty voice. "You did what you thought was right. I...I appreciate that."

Steve, reassured - at least about her current state of mind - enveloped her in his arms. She nestled in closer, resting her head on his chest as she curled up beside him.

"I can't believe I don't work there anymore," she said after several minutes of quiet togetherness.

"It's only temporary, until -"

"I can't do what Oscar wants. That doctor..."

"Doctor Conrad? What about him?"

"His work - it's all experimental. I don't wanna end up one of his test subjects." She looked up at Steve, who kissed her gently, then ran a comforting hand through her hair.

"He's the best in his field -"

"What field?" Jaime protested. "It's just him, all brand-new stuff..."

"Sweetheart, he's been working for years with veterans who were in Vietnam and Korea. He's still unknown because he's so thorough. He wants to do another year or two of follow-ups before he publishes his findings. I met him today; he's not only one of the most intelligent people I've ever seen - he's really very nice, too. I think you'd like him."

"You met him? Did you tell him - about me?"

"Yes."

"_Steve_!"

"Just listen. He's identified a syndrome, a set of symptoms, these vets seem to share. You've been having some of the same symptoms. Jaime, he's positive he can help you, but you have to be willing to work with him, and -"

"No."

Steve sighed. They were back to Square One.

------

The next few days were rough on Jaime, and possibly even rougher on Steve. As deeply as he loved her, he was helpless to do anything that would ease her pain. He could hear her getting out of bed in the middle of the night and suspected she'd begun having nightmares, exactly as Doctor Conrad had predicted, but Jaime insisted she just couldn't sleep.

Steve couldn't help but worry about Doctor Conrad's other prediction: "If she continues to refuse treatment, Jaime will likely grow progressively worse, with the end result being serious harm to herself, or to someone else."

------

Five days after suspending her, Oscar paid Jaime a visit. Steve insisted on making coffee, so the two of them had a little time alone.

"How are you?" Oscar asked carefully.

"Bored outta my mind. Can I come back to work yet?"

"I'm sorry, Babe. I'd love to have you back, but you know what you need to do."

"If I don't...I'm fired?"

"It doesn't have to come to that."

"It already has."

"Jaime, all any of us want is to help you feel better. Will you at least think about -"

"No."

------

Jaime got out of bed again that night, and Steve found her crouching under the kitchen table. "Jaime?" Instinct told him to move slowly, so as to not startle or frighten her. Her eyes were open, but she didn't seem to be there.

"They're coming..." she told him breathlessly. "You've gotta hide!"

Steve joined her, not to hide with her, but to hold her, trying to comfort her. "Sweetheart, wake up. You're only dreaming; you're safe now...Jaime?"

"No! Let go of me!" She tried to pull away, but Steve tightened his grip. Jaime let out a single scream and colllapsed in his arms. Steve picked her up, carried her back to the bedroom and placed her gently in bed. She began to return to her senses and a helpless terror filled her eyes.

"What's...happening...to me?" She was barely able to speak. "I'm...losing my mind!"

"No, you aren't. You're not crazy either. It's a normal reaction to the stress you went through, what you saw, what you had to do...Doctor Conrad calls it Post-Traumatic-Stress-Syndrome."

"And...he can make this stop?"

"He says he can help, yes. And, Jaime - he also promised he wouldn't make you a 'test subject' or write about you in his tracking journals if you weren't ok with that."

"Really? Is...is he still in DC?"

"Yep; most of his patients are here, at the VA."

"Will you call him for me in the morning?" Jaime asked.

"You bet; first thing."

------


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"Hello, Jaime," the man in faded jeans and a sweatshirt said, shaking her hand warmly. "I'm so happy to finally meet you. I'm Mark Conrad."

"Hi," she answered in a very small, frightened voice.

"I know you're pretty scared, but you made the right decision in coming here. What you've been experiencing is a common reaction to severe stress or trauma. It happens to approximately 15 percent of war veterans, and 18 - 20 percent of the victims of violent crime. So, you are not only _not crazy_, you aren't alone in what's happening to you." Jaime listened in silence, her eyes wide. "I've been working with victims of this syndrome for almost 10 years now, and I can assure you it is very treatable, especially in the earlier stages, which is where I believe you to be. Steve has already outlined what happened for me, but I'd like to hear it from you, in your words, to get a better idea of how the events are situated in your mind."

"I was sent to this place where they thought Steve was a hostage, only he wasn't there - wasn't even in any danger. It was all a set-up. I got shot, right after I got there, and it was pretty bad."

"In your side?"

"Yeah. Once Oscar realized what happened, he sent Steve in to get me out. Before he found me, I...I saw...well, I heard, really..."

"What was it, Honey?"

"They killed a woman; four men just pushed her to the ground and shot her. I couldn't look once I knew what was happening."

"But you heard the shots, saw the after-effects."

"Yes. When Steve got there, he couldn't find me at first, but he saw me just when the guards were about to grab me, and he distracted them, let them take him instead." Jaime wiped the first tears of the session from her eyes. "He left me a pack with food and water in it. And a - a gun."

"Ok. What happened after that, after he was captured?"

"A little later, I saw the same people who'd shot the woman, and they were taking Steve to the same place. I - I knew what they were gonna do...I mean, the blood was still there from earlier."

"That must've been terrifying," the doctor noted.

"I didn't have time to think about what was happening, or what to do. I - I grabbed...the...gun, and...I shot them. All four of them."

"You saved Steve's life."

"But...I - I shot four people."

"Jaime, what happened to the people you shot?" Steve had told the doctor that Jaime had never used the words _dead_ or _killed _in regards to what happened, and the doctor wanted to see if she'd even processed that part of the event.

"They went down."

"And?"

"And...please don't make me say it. I can't say it!"

"They died, Jaime."

"No-o-o-o." She began to sob, torrents of tears streaming down her face. "I'm not - I couldn't. No!" Jaime got up from the chair and headed toward the door.

"Jaime, you can't keep running from this; that's not how to end it, how to make it stop hurting. Let me help you."

But Jaime was already gone.

------

Jaime managed to shut down the whirlwind of emotions before returning home. Steve met her at the door. He'd spoken to Doctor Conrad and knew what had happened, but wanted to hear from her how she thought it went. The doctor said they had made a little progress, in that she was comfortable enough to tell him what happened - to a point.

"How'd it go today?" he asked, hugging her a little longer than usual. She seemed perfectly calm, stoic, even; not like someone who'd just fled a doctor's office in near-hysterics.

"Really good. You were right - he's very nice."

"Well, that's good. When do you go back?"

"I...guess I forgot to make another appointment."

"Jaime, I know what happened."

"So much for doctor/patient confidentiality. You aren't my husband, and you're not a blood relative. He had no right to tell you -"

"I'm the man who loves you, who you're planning to marry, and I'm also in the best position to see what's happening to you every day and help you through it."

"I don't wanna talk about this. I'm tired; I'm going to bed."

"It's only 6:30."

Jaime kissed him lightly. "G'night."

------

Steve went to bed himself about four hours later. Jaime was tossing about, moaning softly in her sleep, but didn't appear to be unduly stressed. Steve felt a little better, knowing that at least she'd made a start toward getting help. Soon, he was sound asleep.

The insistent ring of the phone woke him around 1:00am. It was their friend from the neighboring ranch. "Sorry to wake you, Steve," the neighbor began, "but I just drove by your place. Jaime is up on the roof of the horse barn, and she doesn't look too steady."

_Oh, God - no._ Steve thanked his friend, hung up and made one quick call himself, to Doctor Conrad, before heading out to find Jaime.

The neighbor had been right. Jaime was teetering dangerously back and forth on the roof of the barn, which, with its raised ceilings and steeply sloped roof, put her over four stories up in the air. If she startled, or lost her footing...

------


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Steve focused his eye on Jaime, on the barn roof. She was crying so hard that he just knew she couldn't see well. He stood poised to jump up and catch her at any moment, if she started to fall. It didn't take long for three cars to pull in, one almost right after the other, all with headlights off so they wouldn't startle or frighten Jaime. Doctor Conrad, Oscar and Rudy joined Steve, just out of Jaime's view, but where Steve could still see her.

"I called them," Conrad said, very quietly. "I hope that's ok."

"Of course. Should I just jump from behind and grab her?" Steve suggested.

"No," Conrad told him. "That would be dangerous - for both of you. If she heard you, or just happened to turn around, she could take a swing and knock you off the roof, then fall after you, when she'd lose her balance. The adrenaline coursing through her right now probably makes her a whole lot stronger than normal; stronger than you are, Steve. And we've got to remember that, in her mind, Jaime isn't up on the roof of a barn. She's back in that compound where you both nearly died, and she's fighting for her life."

"So what do we do?"

Conrad thought for a moment. "She also has exceptional hearing, right?"

"Yes," Oscar answered.

"Steve, try talking to her, very softly, from right here. See if she can hear you, or if she's too far gone..."

Steve kept his eye fully focused on Jaime as he began to speak in a very low, soothing tone. "Sweetheart, it's me. Can you hear me?" There didn't appear to be any reaction. "Jaime? I'm right here with you, Sweetheart, and everything's ok." Jaime stopped teetering and seemed to be listening. "It's all over with, and we made it. You saved my life, Jaime, and I'm so grateful for that."

"Go ahead," Conrad whispered, "you can move a little closer. Your instincts are right on; do what your gut and your heart tell you to do, Steve."

"I know you jumped up there to get away," Steve continued, moving a few cautious steps toward the barn. "If you're stuck up there now, I can help you get down, if you'll let me." To his great relief, Steve saw Jaime nod. "Good; thank you, Sweetheart. First, I need you to stay very, very still. Can you do that?" Another nod. "Ok. Now...is it alright if I come up there, to help you get down?" She looked very frightened, but didn't seem to object. "When you hear someone come up there beside you, don't be afraid. It'll be me, coming to help you. I love you, Jaime, and we'll get you off of there together, ok? Just stay very, very still for me."

Steve decided to jump from the direction Jaime was facing, so she could see that, yes, it was him and not a guard or executioner coming after her. Her eyes were wary, watchful, and didn't leave his face for a single moment as he was coming toward the barn. When he made the jump, Jaime began to flinch, but stood her ground. Her face reminded Steve of a lost, frightened little child.

Suddenly - Steve could tell the moment it happened - Jaime snapped from wherever her mind had taken her back to the present, and the reality of being up on the roof. "Steve?" she said in a cross between a whisper and a cry.

Steve put his arms securely around her body, and looked directly into her eyes, finally seeing _Jaime_ there again. "Let's get you down from here," he said softly. Holding her as tightly as he could without hurting her, Steve jumped from the barn roof, landed on his feet and took a deep breath, then placed Jaime on her feet, on solid ground, as well.

For a minute or two, she was too stunned to move, then she walked slowly but resolutely to where Oscar and the two doctors stood. She looked directly at Doctor Conrad, fresh tears in her eyes. "Please...help me." All four men smiled warmly at her, looking forward to doing just that.

END


End file.
